on "缘份"

was reading some hwz forums and decided to post about this.  the chinese word for fate is compounded by 2 words: "缘"(yuan) and "份"(fen). the first word, "缘", essentially holds the same meaning as its english counterpart: fate. however, the second word, "份" introduces a concept of measurement, which in turns controls the fate. a difficult concept to grasp right?

for instance, 2 persons getting to know or even bumping into each other is termed "缘", or fate or serendipity.we all have plenty of "缘" with many people daily. but what helps to determine whether this "缘" will continue? this is controlled by the chinese concept of "份".

the "份" part determines how far the relationship goes.when the "份" part runs out, the "缘" gets terminated in one way or another. hence the chinese phrase "有缘无份" - fate allows the meeting that weren't meant to last.

though i strongly believe people control their own destiny, there's only so much that one can control. there's pretty nothing much one can do when the "缘" ends.  trying to retain someone who is no longer supposed to be there is a tragedy in my opinion.

anyway i think i dun have much "份" with the people around me. i used to have a close friend, but one fine day he had an accident and was declared brain-dead on the spot and was gone. other people came, but try as i might, they never really stay. somehow somewhere along the way there's bound to be some distractions or conflicts or dramas. well, people's priorities do change over time. hardly get to see my family members too as i am currently all alone in singapore.

there's this one great colleague friend i once had. if i am not wrong we always hang-out at similar places (determined from blog posts), but we never bumped into each other. seems like when one is out, the other is at home, or when both are out, we will end up at 2 entirely different locations. it looks as if there's no chance of reconciliation.

to put it scientifically, you might have all the factors but the quantity and quality was insufficient in comparison to something else. perhaps just not enough of something, not good enough of another so despite being together for a long while, it just didn't work in the end. nothing wrong with that, just that somehow the cards we received didn't fall together into the correct places.

and thus, life goes on...

the return to solitude

well, good times in the office have officially concluded.i am glad that for the first time,i actually completed walking down an expected path.the rewards have been pretty satisfying.thank you for pointing out to me.

in summary,the prediction model is right.however,i may have inadvertently became a party-spoiler in some cases. as expected within the prediction model, sometimes simple things or arrangements can have very complex dynamics behind them. i shall try not be so pro-active in organizing events or outings or whatsoever in the future.

as predicted, i ended up being the fringe member of the group. well, i'm probably the thorn within the group. seriously, i dislike sneaky people and people who play boycotting games. i know that a lot has been going on behind my back, and those who put up an act without realizing that i know the full story behind are just plain idiots.

i have truly enjoyed this short journey together.however, i think i have been overly-reliant on this group and may have brought in unnecessary stresses. maybe i should boldly step out and know more friends. i dunno how lucky i may get, but hopefully i can find friends who can double up as activity partners who do sports and so on, rather than simply gourmet partners.

as i was commenting to another colleague, i admired the other group of colleagues. they seemed so united with much simpler dynamics. no unnecessary complications, no mind games and so on.  i wondered why do i always ended up in such groups?  anyway, the timeline i have given myself has expired and i shall depart from this group, most likely never again to return to or maintain contact with any of the other members.  really sorry, i dun like sneaky actors/actresses as friends.

however, i wish the group members all the best in their lives.

i'm so looking forward to the golf session next tuesday....

wrong week to be in

it was a bad start to a new week.everything that could possibly went wrong ACTUALLY went wrong.

i started the week arguing and nit-picking with the new project manager. i seriously think both of us have attitude problems. every meeting was like a confrontation.

apart from that, relationships with people around me actually deteriorated.  though i feel sorry for those who may be at the receiving end of the stick, i really did not know where did all the anger and frustrations manifested from.  it has gotten to a point that i just simply wanted to neglect everything - in short, withdraw and disappear.  i hope i didn't affect anyone.

weekend is equally tired.  the earliest time i managed to reach home and sleep was like 4+ am.  attempted to look for a suitable present for a good friend cum colleague on friday evening but to no avail. initial thought was to get a leather organizer.  i ended up watching a midnight show - grown up.

went out to chill with a group of friends on saturday night.  caught another midnight movie - heartbreaker, an interesting french movie where the main casts break up couples for a living.  had a great time that night.

i gotta go town to meet a friend to continue my hunt for the gift.  this time, based on feedback and some analysis, the list of items included a pair of cuff link, leather belt, laptop bag, wallet.  if my friend is gonna be late, it's gonna be another wasted trip.

i really hope next week will be a much better and enjoyable week. till then, i need to decide on how best to execute my plan to either do a sabotage or salvation.

love the way you lie

A friend sent me this song, and after listening to this song for a few times, find it pretty addictive and decided to share it here.

office survival skills

I was browsing sgforums the other and came across this interesting post.  Just wanna share it here.

Office survival skills

#1 - Gossip about others outside the circle of friends <-- neutral

#2 - Be a busybody to get the latest news to keep yourself in the loop and stay informed <-- been trying to do that

#3 - Don't gossip or confront a person who is the subject in the gossip incase things turns ugly <-- agree wholeheartedly

#4 - Office colleagues as only good for chatting, lunch/dinner buddies else help you to find or recommend new jobs only <-- i think this depends

#5 - Be on good terms with the colleagues to have people watch your back while you return the favor too. <-- definitely agree

#6 - If you don't like gossip, whatever you listen, just take it with a pitch of salt and ignore it <-- trying to master this

#7 - Never get involved with bgr in office else your job performance will be affected <-- may be true

#8 - Don't appear to be overly hardworking in the office posing as a threat to other colleagues which reveals the fact that they are slacking..do it discreetly without them seeing you as a threat giving them reasons to backstab you to safe-keep their own employment. <-- definitely!

#9 - Never be the Mr Nice Guy else you will find yourself with more workload than others. <-- of course.

#10 - Don't join a conflict or get dragged into a conflict..stay clear of such dangerous situations if possible <-- the art of tai-ji

#11 - Don't tell/talk/discuss your personal life experiences with your colleagues if you want to stay gossip free <-- depends on the kind of colleagues la

#12 - If employer/fellow collegues wants you to go for group outing/Clubbing to de-stress, never ever get yourself in a drunk akward situation else you will see yourself losing the respect and be the stared at in the office the new few days and eventually be avoided at any events. <-- neutral

Hope the above tips will help you in a smooth journey in surviving office politics and a happy work experience ahead.

"medical leave"

i took my medical leave today, partly because i need to prepare for my japanese exam this evening, and also partly because i dun wish to return to office and see my colleagues.  as matter of fact, i loath every morning where i have to wake up early to literally drag myself to the office and put on a mask, like everybody else.

i woke up late in the morning to visit the doctor, studied my japanese language, which were pretty easy in my opinion, and felt extremely bored.  decided to finally hit the gym nearby, starting off with the thread mill.  i felt so refreshed after the whole gym session.

attended my make-up japanese lessons. kind of envy this class - active, chatty, united, a big difference from my current class. the exam was a breeze.

while on the mrt, i felt very sianz that i have to return to work the following day. i am absolutely clueless as to what to do next. like i mentioned before, i know the outcomes and do not wish to trod the dreaded path again.  a friend told me that i should learn to trust people, but i simply cannot take the huge leap of faith. either way the friendships will eventually dissolve.

i was scrolling my msn list, and realized that i had let go of a few really good friends. i sort of miss them, but what's done cannot be undone.  it is disheartening that i may have to repeat this process again.

i feel trapped... i need an escape. god, why do YOU always give me something only to take it all back later?

my reluctant np gathering

i'm extremely reluctant to attend a big-scale gathering by alpha center, ngee ann polytechnic yesterday night.  if not for the insistence of a long time friend and classmate, i'd rather give this event a miss.

i went to orchard to accompany my cousin to find her phone.i was almost tempted to change my phone on the spot, and fortunately for me they ran out of stock, and thus i ended up not making any purchases.

unenthusiastically i made my way down to clementi and took the bus to np. wah, i got lost trying to find the bloody block 53.  there were renovations everywhere.it took me 40 minutes to reach the destination.

didn't really mingle around with the people.ended up chatting with my previous lecturer/project supervisor.my ex-roommate came up to me and we chatted for a while and that's about it. the event is a little boring for me, but i guess for most people, it's quite enjoyable.

anyway,the dinner's ok, but many of the attendees, including myself, were hit by food poisoning.a few of my friends even went to a&e like 4am.fortunately for me, i was only inflicted with diarrhea.

thanks to the mass food poisoning, my friend and i couldn't make it to the youth olympic games this morning.

the first farewell

went for a great buffet dinner at himawari, alexandra road after work to bid farewell to one of our beloved project manager.

the dinner was great, the companions were great too! we had a fun time with all the jokes and dramas and so on. ah, how time flies! when we look at our watches it was already 10+.  as with all good times which eventually comes to an end, we parted our ways.  i wish my project manager all the best in her future endeavors.

i was surprised that i was offered a lift back home, since, well, i stayed at the northern part of the island and my friend is like staying at the south and was supposed to be meeting a friend at somewhere central.  anyway, we didn't chat much for the journey, to avoid distraction.

actually, it's a bit unusual as i'm usually find it awkward being enveloped by silence when friends are around, but i'm pretty comfortable this time round. anyway thank you my friend, really appreciate the effort and trouble, as cte is known for its extremely heavy traffic during friday night, and coincidentally it so happened that all my ez-link cards were low in value!

there'll be at least one more farewell soon.  i'm starting to get a little anxious here... sad.

maybe another goodbye

recently i chanced upon something fishy going on with the people around me.  i realized that it is not that hard to spot that someone has something up their sleeves and it takes just a little more effort to uncover the motives.

well, this time there's nothing really special.  it's just history repeating itself.  this story has almost been repeating itself every year since 2004.  same plot, same storyline, just different characters.  it's starting to bore me.

i dare say i can easily predict the outcomes this time.  everything is within predictable parameters.  i do not need to finish this walk to prove my point.  i have decided to walk at my own pace, and slowly drift apart, maybe eventually be phased out just to become another irritating character deeply buried and forgotten in someone else's not so distant past.

well, this eventuality is no stranger to me.  maybe this is the most diplomatic solution i know of, or it could be just  my character flaw that prevents me from "playing dumb" without being awfully honest to the point of being blunt. i gotta learn to let go of some things at ease to prevent disappointment.

anyway, my stand is firm: what is yours will be yours eventually, no matter what you do.  some (in my case, probably most) things are just not meant to be. period.

it's time to move on, once again...

facebook insight

while browsing through my fb profile a while ago, i came across a newly uploaded album on a recent trip to taiwan by my secondary school friends.

what impresses me is that 10 years after graduation, their friendship bonds are still admirably strong.  there were new members included, along with their spouses and so on. i had grown distant with them after graduation.  well, i was never part of the close-knitted group and will never be.

i wish them an enduring friendship =)