food for thought

while walking home from the mrt station earlier on, again some thoughts crossed my mind.  i was wondering what should i do over the long weekend to commemorate singapore's 45th independence day.

then, i realized i've changed quite a fair bit. to quickly summarize, i am now leading a much more individualistic lifestyle than before.  i no longer actively seek out the company of my friends, being fearful that i am being overly-intrusive into their personal lives and space.

i have even lesser faith in other people.  past disheartening experiences as recent as the last one to two years are still fresh on my mind.  i have been back-stabbed and shortchanged.  i had been made to feel like i am a persona-non-grata in most social gatherings.  i wondered and still wonder if i had done anything inappropriate.

fearful that history may repeat itself, i contemplated a solution, and began observing and talking to people around me. data from my observations, to my amazement, actually supports my understanding of the ever-complicated horoscope signs.

armed with a new ability to quickly profile a person on-the-fly, i have become extremely fastidious in making friends.  no longer will i relegate myself to the position of being subjected to the whims and fancies of others, i decided to be the chooser, or the player.  i learnt to maintain an appropriate distance for most people and manage them.

at the same time, my interests and priorities in life has changed.  in the process of moving on with my life, the sour grapes started rearing their ugly heads, trying to anchor you so that you cannot move ahead in life, just like them.  you are not supposed to upgrade your fashion sense, cultivate your appreciation on the finer things in life, just like them, but just blow money on food, food and more lousy food, just like a glutton.  to (peasant) friends like these, please go and get yourself a life, you loser!

sometimes i really wonder, would life better for me if i just maintain a distance from everyone else?  the social animal within me complains.